Test For Girls
slaughterhousefive:
brocreate | saccharinescorpion | alaingrpolanco:
So here is a little test for the ladies. Now I know a lot of you have that really nice best guy friend that likes you (trust me if he’s straight he likes you). I want you, just for once, to pick the nice guy. I will guaranty you that you’ll be happier with him then the other guys you usually date.
So here is a little test for you. Now I know you have an anus (trust me if you’re you you have an anus). I want you, just for once, to strip naked and lay on your stomach with your feet facing a wall. I want you to sort of crawl your legs up the wall so your ass is directly above above your head, and i want you to look up towards your ass.
I then want—pay attention, this is important— I then want you to focus every essence of your being into your asscheeks, and I want you to take the largest, grottiest shit of your life, right into your mouth. I want you to shut your eyes and shit as if your tiny scrap of life depended on how much shit you could force out. I want you to imagine you’re in a horrible porn parody of Saw and you’re only going to live to see the next day if you follow Tobin Bell’s nasty ass instructions and drown an entire oildrum filed with kittens with your shit, only the oildrum is your mouth and the kittens are your tongue, and your dignity
I will guaranty you that you’ll understand how it sounds to other people like when you say things like this
Beautiful.
(via roman-numerals)
• 27 January 2012
godangertaylor:
im stuck at the fucking octopus inside jabu jabu. fuck.
I got to the end of the Water Temple last time I played and then got stuck because I was playing on an emulator using a keyboard, and lacking the joystick, I couldn’t get the hookshot to line up with a target to get to a room. Sorrow.
• 26 January 2012
“Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulancemen, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.”
Patrick Stewart: the legacy of domestic violence
(Source: robotvoices, via nhaler)
• 26 January 2012
belindatheblonde:
Stephen Fry on the joys of swearing (September 8th, 2007).
(via stephenfrysmanboobs)
• 26 January 2012
paperbackgirl:
My breakdown of Murakami themes.
Hahaha ears. Excellent.
(via fuckyeahmurakamiharuki)
• 26 January 2012
